Gabrielle Goliath

“To my rapist

You were my friend, I trusted you and you stole my innocence.

As a rape survivor, my role in the rape is often questioned, but what about your role? Yes, I was with you willingly and I went into the hotel room willingly, but that was because I trusted you. You knowingly set a trap for me and sadly I fell into it as I trusted you. You weren’t brave enough to do it alone, so you brought a friend along. I had just turned twenty-one, so in your books it made me an adult and as you said that night, “This is what adults do so get used to it”. I never asked you to betray my trust but that night you taught me that even someone you have known for about seven years could not be trusted. You tried to break me in your attempt to initiate me into adulthood. Then you felt guilty or were scared of the consequences, so you offered me money. Why would I want your money, I was not a prostitute, paying me wouldn’t make it all go away?

After that night I felt broken, lost and empty. Something special had been stolen from me and I could never get it back. I took you to court but I was let down by the justice system and after almost four years of my life I watched you celebrate as the magistrate gave both you and your accomplice three years house arrest, as he felt somehow that it was the alcohol that raped me, and not you. I was in tears as all I wanted to do was stop you from doing this to someone else and I felt like I had failed.

Even after all this I refused to let you steal anything else from me. It took time, but I started to pick up the pieces you left me with and rebuild the puzzle that was my life, even though the puzzle looked very different. I could never be the same person, as what you did to me changed me in so many ways, but today I am stronger. I want you to know that you were not able to break me and that I am still standing and that I will fight for all women who are hurting because of someone like you. 

Regards,

A strong rape survivor”